Paul Kimmage: Big is beautiful in rugby and a price is being paid

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by Paul Kimmage
Obsession with weight and power behind a mass player cull

– See fruit’s bad for yeh.

– I always said it.

– All tha’ one-in-five bolloxology.

– Fuckin’ scientists – they’re fuckin’ eejits. How could fuckin’ kiwis be good for yeh?

– She’s fuckin’ furious – at home. She’s thinkin’ o’ suin’.

– Suin’ who?

– Fuckin’ everyone – far as I can make ou’. Says she’s suffered permanent spinal damage carryin’ all them bananas home from SuperValu.

Roddy Doyle,

Two More Pints

You can buy a sausage for 60c at my local Centra – a hot sausage that is, cooked and ready to eat. I checked the price yesterday. Are sausages still bad for you? They used to be but these things change. Margarine was good but now it’s bad. Avocados were bad but now they’re good. And they change their mind about coffee every week.

The last time I ate sausages was 1983. I was a wannabe plumber back then, serving my time in the maintenance department of Aer Rianta at Dublin Airport. It was a good job with regular hours but you needed a strong stomach. And you had to scrub your nails.

We spent a lot of time fishing tampons from the sewage pipes and listening to fat men clear their bowels.

But the bangers were great. They cooked them fresh every morning in the Mezzanine cafe and we’d nip up before 11.0 and take them back to the hut for our break. There’s a lot to be said for a hot sausage sandwich. I almost won the Tour of Britain that year. Colum McCann came to interview me and wrote the story for the Evening Press. I was ‘The Flying Plumber’, a champion cyclist fuelled by pork.
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