How to Talk About Money Honestly with your Mother.
When handling what may seem to you as simple concepts such as savings, it is helpful to remember that others may find them incredibly complex and difficult to understand! It is helpful to not assume equivalence between your understanding and the understanding of others. With that set of axioms in mind we intend in this blog post to describe strategies for talking about money honestly with your Mother which is also applicable to others no matter what your interpersonal relation to them.
So! To begin. Once you have identified an opportunity for learning in your Mother… do not rush in. Step back, disconnect, withdraw and take time to assess your own thoughts. Have you accurately identified the learning opportunity? Is your analysis based on data, is your opinion based in reality or are you imagining things? The last thing that you will want to do is be wrong, so take time to consider the data and form a perspective on ‘Mum’s money issue’ which has at least 3 contacts with reality in observed data. With these 3 evidence based tests, perhaps a comment by Mum herself… perhaps a letter with financial information about a utility bill that you just know Mum is spending too much on, that you have noticed… or perhaps your Father has asked your advice.. and so on. Many times after this period of introspection other pieces of data will come to light and you may end up with more than enough data to finally decide that your interpretation of the facts is in fact accurate. Whilst there are incredibly good financial options out there such as CashLady.com perhaps that is best for other opportunities.
What to do now? Again, we reiterate, do not rush in. Perhaps their is a birth on the way, perhaps a wedding is coming up or Mum could be finishing her dissertation for a doctorate in classical Greek philosophy of aesthetics… any number of outstandingly important things could be happening. It is best to analyse the context, the environment of things happening and to determine a course of action in which the tremendous care that you have for your mother is allowed its place so that a best time to ask is allowed to arise. Sometimes when people have so much happening in their lives they are simply not in a position to discuss finances in a data based way.
Now. Lets think about the best case scenario. So! You have identified that your Mum is paying too much for her electricity. You’ve analysed her electricity consumption over 6 months and she is not over using the electricity. Of course, her bills including electricity are completely up to date. Nevertheless, savings are of vital importance, and if you have identified that there is one or more better options for her to investigate then, well, somehow finding the right moment to tell her is the right thing to do. Once again we repeat, if she is in a position to best cope with the information.
Finding a calm and peaceful moment, perhaps whilst having a coffee meeting, or chatting in the kitchen or on the patio in private when you are both alone together… simply mention it… simply say that you have changed electricity suppliers… that you have found a cheaper supplier… that they have reliably been supplying you with electricity for the last while… that the service has been good. Explain to her what you were paying before and what you are paying now. Then… simply leave it be, stop talking about it, change the conversation and get on with things, allowing her the time to process the data. You will find that should do it, really, you know the information has been passed on by you and your Mum now has the data to do her own research and make here own decisions just as she has been doing for all these years.
If you are concerned that a parent is not gaining the benefit of lowered utility bill prices then you might find money saving websites useful such as www.moneysavingexpert.com or www.moneywise.co.uk/household-finances/shopping/top-20-money-saving-websites. They are user friendly so can be recommended to parents who are researching reducing their utility bill prices… amongst other savings.
Please take care & very best wishes!
InTouch Rugby Money Editor.
