{"id":597422,"date":"2019-06-24T08:00:48","date_gmt":"2019-06-24T07:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/?p=597422"},"modified":"2020-11-13T17:03:53","modified_gmt":"2020-11-13T17:03:53","slug":"establishing-the-ground-rules-of-optimism-how-to-be-positive-when-the-rest-of-the-world-isnt-by-howard-feldman-www-howardfeldman-co-za-author","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/establishing-the-ground-rules-of-optimism-how-to-be-positive-when-the-rest-of-the-world-isnt-by-howard-feldman-www-howardfeldman-co-za-author\/","title":{"rendered":"Establishing the ground rules of optimism How to be positive when the rest of the world isn\u2019t By Howard Feldman. www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Establishing the ground rules of optimism<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>How to be positive when the rest of the world isn\u2019t<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>By Howard Feldman <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author\/\">www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author\/<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"607\" height=\"948\" src=\"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Low_Res_Cover-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-597423\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Low_Res_Cover-1.png 607w, https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Low_Res_Cover-1-192x300.png 192w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 607px) 100vw, 607px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/HowardFeldman\">TWITTER<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HowardFeldman.co.za\/\">FACEBOOK<\/a> | LINKEDIN | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCfzbIt5O4pnBU6segkweV_g\">YOUTUBE<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The road of life isn\u2019t always happy. It has potholes and bad drivers and broken robots. Being happy isn\u2019t about beaming with positivity as you navigate these challenges, it\u2019s about recognising that there are things you can change, things you cannot, and that you can be an optimist amidst it all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Most people want to be optimists. Few people enjoy feeling negative and bleak. The problem is that it is far easier to say that you want a positive outlook than it is to actually achieve one. Yes, social media\u2019s roadside is covered with the litter of wellbeing slogans and profound insights and the nuggets of wisdom required to live a conscious life. But life isn\u2019t lived through a social media feed. It is lived through laundry, tax returns, chewing gum on a shoe, being cut in front of on the road and admin. It sounds fabulous to say that you should live each day as if it is the last but realistically, few people would choose to spend their last day on Earth sorting out invoicing with Debbie in accounts. Even Debbie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-youtube wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"About Howard Feldman\" width=\"820\" height=\"461\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/DZWq59tLPAU?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>There is also no such thing as a natural optimist. Someone who blithely skips through life\u2019s hurdles as if they are nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Like anyone, they have to work at being positive. It\u2019s a craft that requires resilience, focus and commitment. Anyone can bulletproof their outlook and find an alternative pathway to gloomy realism. Here are four simple steps to laying the foundation of an optimistic outlook\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Honesty really is the best policy<br>\nChanging your perspectives and adopting a more positive outlook requires that you understand yourself completely. An unflinching, totally honest appraisal of how you think, what informs your thought processes and what feelings dominate your thinking allows you to identify areas of change and areas you love. You can\u2019t change something if you don\u2019t know that it exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cautious is cool, but also oppressive<br>\nThere will always be people that say \u2018I told you so\u2019. They\u2019re the same people who carefully navigate through life, rarely take chances and forget to live. They will also be the ones who tell you everything that is wrong with your ideas, your dreams, the country and the world. They haven\u2019t spent time building the resilience that will allow them to step out, take chances and experience exactly how much control they have over their lives. This doesn\u2019t mean you should rush out and spend your savings on that boat you\u2019ve always wanted. It means that you need to trust in yourself and take those chances on your ideas and dreams because that\u2019s how you build resilience and hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can learn it<br>\nYou can change your thought processes. You\u2019ve probably already done it at least once. Remember back to a time when you felt as if you could do anything, that the day held infinite potential. Those are the moments that should define how you approach the challenges that life presents. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Focus on the good stuff<br>\nYou just fell off the stage, you ran out of gas, your kid says she hates you and your boss gave you bad feedback. Absolutely brilliant reasons to feel terrible or define the day you are having as bad. But you can practice on reframing these moments. This is not the same as going \u2018Gosh well I am SO lucky I could be on a stage\u2019 or \u2018I am blessed to have a car\u2019. Those statements may be true, but in a moment of bleakness and a day of darkness they feel trite and social media-esque. Instead, reframe it as \u2018Yes, that was awkward and embarrassing but before that I was doing really well\u2019 or as \u2018I am being a great parent and that means that sometimes my child is going to be mad at me for what I have said\u2019. Focus on what you\u2019ve done right, just for a bit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For more information and book orders, go to: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author\/\">www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author\/<\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Establishing the ground rules of optimism How to be positive when the rest of the world isn\u2019t By Howard Feldman www.howardfeldman.co.za\/author\/ TWITTER | FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN | YOUTUBE The road of life isn\u2019t always happy. It has potholes and bad drivers and broken robots. Being happy isn\u2019t about beaming with positivity as you navigate these [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":597425,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-597422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ulster-rugby"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=597422"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":639849,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597422\/revisions\/639849"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/597425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=597422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=597422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.intouchrugby.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=597422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}